How it all began

I grew up in South Texas. I went to a catholic school and was overweight my entire childhood and teenage years even into adulthood after having my babies. I loved Texas as it was home and still is as I try to go back once a year to see friends and friends that have become my family. I lived in a small town just south of San Antonio. I didn’t have many friends growing up and the ones I did have some were not that nice. I was called “whale” and told “You can’t float on that your fat”. I grew up with an alcoholic father. He wasn’t the best father to me and it was a struggle. I had little sisters who were perfect in his eyes. So being the oldest girl, I felt I had to live up to his expectations and his way of seeing things.

One day after I got home from school, I was 13 years old. He called me into his office and he said I have a proposition for you. Being 13, I was excited because my dad was finally paying attention to me and had actually done something for me thinking he could help me when in reality he only started what I now look back on as a very destructive pattern within my own body and health. He presented me with an excel spreadsheet. He had my current weight (which I do not remember) and then had each week if I were to lose a certain amount he would pay me money. At the time I thought this is great. What teenager wouldn’t think this. So, I took the proposition and tried. Sadly, I failed just a week or two later. I continued to feel shame knowing I disappointed my dad but also, that I was still “fat” in his eyes. I couldn’t be like my younger sisters and I wasn’t sure why.

So what did I do? I turned to food even more for comfort. I remember being 14 and weighing close to 200lbs. I was sad, angry, hurt and didn’t know what to do. I had no one to talk to because obviously I was embarrassed and ashamed so I didn’t talk to my dad. My mom was busy with my sisters and sick brother so I just kept turning to food. I tried years later to diet as I entered high school and got made fun of a lot but I couldn’t lose the weight no matter what I did. I then graduated and I believe I was 5’7 and 180lbs. I felt awful walking across that stage and knew that I would be going into the world this way. I pushed on and moved to my own apartment when I was 17years old and worked at a restaurant in our little town. I made friends there and had a few high school friends that were super nice and had kept in contact with me. I clung to them because they were my sunshine on a dark day.

I continued to gain weight getting up to 200lbs in my 20’s. By age 21 I got married moved to Colorado and got pregnant with my oldest son and had him when I was 21years old, I weighed 260lbs. It was the hardest pregnancy. My heart would skip beats and jump around and I had no idea what was happening. Doctors blamed it on my weight and the pregnancy pushing more blood through my body and heart. So, after about 4months of this happening I went to see a cardiologist and there I found out I had something called WPW (Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome). I was put on a beta blocker and to this day I am still on it. When my son was around 13months old I left his abusive dad and moved back home as I had no choice, I was 22years old with a 13month old baby. I worked and busted my butt to save money so I could move to an apartment on my own with my baby boy. When I was 23years old I moved into my own apartment and started living my life as a single mama. I would take my son to daycare and go work for 8 hours at a radiology firm. I met some really nice ladies there and to this day am still friends with 3 of them. It was a stressful yet exciting time for me and my son. I was doing it and I was finally starting to lose weight. I remember getting down to 176lbs. I felt amazing! When my son turned 4 years old I met a man that changed my life. He was not abusive, he was accepting of my weight, he was kind, loving and so caring of my son and I. It was love at first sight. We moved in together 6 months after meeting one another and we were living life as a family of 3. He was supportive, and took care of me and my son. I eventually quit my job at the radiology firm and stayed home. We went fishing, we went on walks, we went to the movies, grocery shopping together. We even helped one another get healthy with cooking and shopping. I was so happy finally and had thought this is what I have wanted for so long. About a 9months after we met, he asked my son and I if he could marry his mommy? Of course, I said yes, and then a month later I found out I was pregnant again with my youngest son. 2005 was a big year for myself and my little family. We were having a baby; we were moving to California to be closer to my husband’s family and I was slowly getting weaker and sicker with my disease. My youngest son was showing signs of having problems walking, crawling etc. He just wasn’t hitting his milestones so we had a bunch of tests done and this is when we found out some devastating news……..

Stay tuned for the next post as I will continue this story